1,585 days ago, I underwent a strange metamorphosis. I had been in a bit of a funk and was spending a lot of time reading and noodling on a lot of things. On that day I had a couple conversations and read some articles that somehow gelled together late in the day when my mind was idle. In a flash, I knew that I had synthesized something important. Over the next couple days I started writing it all down…
There have been days over the past few years that I wished that moment had never happened. But that was futile. It did, and for better or for worse, it’s driven me for 1,585 days on a path that I sometimes think I couldn’t have escaped even if I’d really wanted to do so. It was as though I’d been suddenly gifted and cursed with both precise vision and blinders. And those double-edged blades drove me. Over, under, around and through.
Only in the past couple months have I felt it subsiding, like a strange dream. I suddenly felt like my old self again, which was both reassuring and sad. I was no longer a mutant. The vestigial limb had dropped off and I started re-assimilating to the human race, both reveling and mourning that the stares would stop.
Today, the flash happened again.
I’m elated. And terrified.
